Ronald Recap Report: What the hell happened in the WNBA last night?

Editor’s note: Ronald Recap Report prides himself on recapping things that happened the previous night in sports. He hasn’t done a good job of that, however. He’s terrible with time and quite frankly isn’t ready to take on this blogging role. 

Ronald Recap Report note: I’ve been under some fire for thinking of a great idea and not executing that idea. I can do this. I don’t understand why my boss has to get his dick in a box when I don’t come through. 

Las Vegas Aces 101 @ Indiana Fever 92

— This was the first WNBA game that I’ve listened to on the radio all season. There’s two things that I knew before the game: both these two teams are young and Las Vegas guard Kelsey Plum is my dream girl. She’s so hot. Unfortunately, she wasn’t the best Kelsey on the court. Kelsey Mitchell who was taken second in the 2018 WNBA Draft by the Fever out played the Plumster (I just made that up). Mitchell finished with 17 points on 5 of 12 shooting compared to Plum’s eight points on 3 of 7 shooting. This game went into overtime and the Fever ran outta steam. The Aces outscored Indiana 17-8 in that frame and kept Indiana from picking up its first win of the year.

Phoenix Mercury 75 @ Dallas Wings 72 

— I’ll be honest with you Brittney Griner never looked like a man, she’s just an overrated rebounder. How the hell can you be 6-foot-8 and not be ranked in the Top 10 leading rebounders this season? That seems fukn impossible. Her team got the win last night but she hauled down just five rebounds. I clearly need to watch more women’s professional ball to figure that one out. Not sure why Dallas only played eight ladies compared to the Mercury’s army of 11 but a three-point loss is still a loss.

Only real WNBA fans know who Raymond is talking about.

Chicago Sky 85 @ Seattle Storm 96 

— I learned that Seattle still has a professional basketball team. I mean, what’s with all the stink about them losing its beloved ball club? The Storm are better than the Super Phonics anyway. I now know why Seattle is the fourth best team in the WNBA. They have the heaviest player in Courtney Paris on their team, they have the oldest player in the league with Sue Bird still flying around the court (she has to be the oldest) and Breanna Stewart is the only current fifth-grade teacher scoring at the fourth highest clip in the league. If you don’t have a WNBA team, I’d jump on the Storm’s chariot. When you outscore your opponent 31-12 in the fourth quarter, management is doing something right.

Atlanta Dream 64 @ Los Angeles Sparks 72

— As a journalist there is too many headlines I could think of that have the word ‘Spark’ in it. That’s a writers dream. Shit, I used 23 words in those first two sentences and I used both Atlanta’s and Los Angeles’ nicknames. I feel confident in saying that the Sparks have the most talented player in the league on their team in Candace Parker. She lead all scorers with 18 points on 7 of 11 shooting. If I told you a team scored 72 points, you’d tell me they lost. Well, Los Angeles did not and when the Dream have six players that played 10 minutes or more score five points or less, that’s how you know a championship in Atlanta is just a dream.

Also, Twitter fights are still a thing in women’s sports.

 

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