Walmart sucks. Everyone knows that. People that know Walmart sucks ass still go to Walmart. It’s trashy and the people greeting you as you walk in and out of the gigantic store scared the hell outta me. Like if I didn’t want to steal something from your store I could get past you with half a juke move and no you don’t need to check my receipt every time I walk out. Well, Walmart put out a list today about the top product sold in every state and it’s pretty good.
South Dakota — Orange Juice. Hmm. I use orange juice for one thing and one thing only: vodka mix. I sweat from weird ass shit. Red and orange gatorade. Sour patch kids, ketchup and orange juice to name a few. But add a lot of vodka and I’m not sweating anymore. I’m drunk but not all gross and sweaty like the people at Walmart. I like South Dakota but I would’ve figured the top item folks from there would’ve bought tools so they can FUKN finish crazy horse. I mean come on, just build the damn statue.
North Dakota — Beer. Vodka. Gin. Whiskey. Rum. Any of the above. Huh? I’m wrong. Shit. Okay so North Dakota’s top product bought at Walmart isn’t alcohol (super surprised actually) IT IS WATERMELON FLAVORED GUM??? What the fuk. Okay umm I mean if North Dakotan’s choose to cover up the smell of alcohol with WATERMELON FLAVORED GUM then I cannot really argue with that. Plus mint gum is just to noticeable.
Minnesota — Yesterday a donut joint in Michigan sold 600-plus Flamin’ Hot Cheetos doughnuts in 2 fukn hours. That’s some crazy shit. Also some nasty shit. Is it odd to thing that the Michigan bakery just bought a whole helluva lot of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos from a bunch of Minnesota Walmart’s right before this report came out? I mean think about it.